The Quistis Trepe Show Episode XII
by MissBellum
Summary: Just the season finale to the show...just read it and critisize me if you will...


The Quistis Trepe Show  
  
Episode XII - Maternity Tests  
  
Zell: NO YOU STUPID *censored**censored**censored*!!! MY  
  
HOT DOGS!!!  
  
Quistis: Calm down, Zell. We're on the air.  
  
Zell: Really?  
  
Quistis: Yep.  
  
Zell: Really?  
  
Quistis: Yes.  
  
Zell: Really really?  
  
Quistis: YES NOW SHUT UP!  
  
Zell: Ok...god...  
  
Quistis: Let's get on with the show. Let's welcome our first  
  
Guest, Lucrecia.  
  
Lucrecia: Hi everyone!  
  
Everyone: Hi, Lucrecia!  
  
Lucrecia: *smiles*  
  
Quistis: Now, why are you here today, Lucrecia?  
  
Lucrecia: After 25 years, my estranged husband is  
  
saying that Sephiroth isn't his son...*sobs*  
  
Quistis: Well then, let's meet this evil man...  
  
*Hojo walks out**Crowd boos*  
  
Hojo: What? He's a freak, and he's not my son!  
  
*Hojo sits down but out of nowhere Sephiroth comes fling out of the sky and kills Hojo*  
  
Quistis: OK then...  
  
*Selphie comes in**Sephiroth screams and runs away as Irvine comes out*  
  
Irvine: Ack! It's Selphie!  
  
*Pulls out gun and shoots Selphie*  
  
Irvine: Oh no! She's using her limit break!  
  
*Selphie puts flowers in Irvine's hair**Irvine dies*  
  
Quistis: Aww... the hippi died...  
  
*Duo and Heero come out, beat up Selphie, and drag her off*  
  
Sephiroth:*smiles*  
  
Rinoa: Let's have a picnic!  
  
Quistis: Where did you come from? And a picnic in the middle of the show?  
  
Rinoa:*shrugs**pulls out blanket*  
  
*Sephiroth skips along and sits with Rinoa*  
  
Quistis: What's with Sephiroth? He's supposed to be all evil and stuff.  
  
Zell: He retired and died his hair.  
  
*Quistis looks over and realizes that Sephiroth's hair is green*  
  
*Irvine scrounges the picnic for beer**finds some**drinks beer**passes out*  
  
Quistis:*sigh*  
  
Carbuncle: Isn't this supposed to be about maternity tests? We haven't even started! We were off topic since the beginning!  
  
Quistis: TOO BAD HAHAHA  
  
Aeris:*walks up to Quistis*  
  
Tifa:*also walks up to Quistis*  
  
Aeris: IS THAT *censored* CLOUD CHEATING ON ME WITH THIS *censored* ???  
  
Tifa: HE IS NOT CHEATING ON YOU WITH ME!  
  
Aeris: IS TOO!  
  
Quistis: Umm...I have no say in this...  
  
Tifa: Who do YOU side with, Quistis?  
  
Quistis: Er...umm...Oh, there goes my pager.  
  
Aeris: You don't have a pager. And if you did, I would hear it.  
  
Tifa: Me too.  
  
Quistis: LIARS!!! *Quistis runs away*  
  
*Vivi sitting on couch*  
  
Vivi:*looks scared* HAHAHA *looks evil*  
  
*Garnet sits in Quistis' chair*  
  
Garnet : Welcome to the Garnet Jesse Raphael Show!  
  
Zidane: Why were we given a set with a bunch of messes of other FF characters? This is a downright *censored* mess...  
  
Vivi:*smiles*  
  
*no one notices cuz they can't see his mouth*  
  
Vivi:*looks suspicious*  
  
Freya: Let's go kick some serious *censored*!!!  
  
Stiener: No...cuz...i'm just a drunk hippi...where's Woodstock?  
  
Freya:*rolls eyes and goes and fights monsters*  
  
Eiko: Lalala!  
  
Amarant:...  
  
Beatrix : Dressed in hippi clothes and drunk* Lez get married...*hic* c'mon stiener...*hic**passes out*  
  
*The Turks come*  
  
Amarant: ...  
  
Rude: ...  
  
Amarant: ...  
  
Rude: ...  
  
Amarant: ...*smiles*  
  
Rude: ...*smiles*  
  
*Rude and Amarant go frolic in some flowers*  
  
Vivi: ?  
  
*Reno and Tseng walk over to Sephiroth*  
  
Reno: Wanna go for a beer, Sephiroth?  
  
*Tseng goes insane*  
  
Tseng: NOOO!!! *runs around in circles* LOOK BEHIND YOU! LOOK BEHIND YOU! LOOK BEHIND YOU!  
  
Reno:*censored*, I just for got that he JUST got out of that mental hospital...well, let's give him his medicine...  
  
*Reno pulls out Ritalin and beer*  
  
*Rufus is in the fetal position in a corner singing little rabbit fufu*  
  
Reno: OK, I'll do it...*gives Tseng and Rufus beer and Ritalin*  
  
Reno: There. Is ANYONE around here sane?  
  
Vivi: I am.*looks evil* or am I...  
  
Reno: Er...  
  
*Sephiroth dies for no reason at all*  
  
Reno: FINALLY a climax!  
  
Vivi: YAY! ^_^;;  
  
*Aeris and Tifa still fighting over Cloud*  
  
Aeris: MY CLOUD!  
  
Tifa: NO, HE'S MINE!  
  
Aeris: MINE!  
  
Tifa: MINE!  
  
*a hole appears in the ground and Tifa and Areis have to go through the whole lifesteam thing again*  
  
*Barret comes out from nowhere and he has amnesia for some reason (I'm too lazy you pick a reason) and thinks he's none other than...  
  
Mr. T!!!*  
  
Barret (aka Mr. T): I pity da foo who goes in da lifestream!  
  
*Jerry Springer pops up out of nowhere*  
  
Jerry Springer: And today we will talk about dysfunctional Talk Shows.  
  
*Sephiroth and Barret (aka Mr. T) come out on the show*  
  
*Everyone hears Vincent in the background*  
  
Vincent: WHOOOOO IM BATMAN *like a little kid* WHOOOO!!!!! WHEEEE!!!!!  
  
Barret (aka Mr. T): I pity da foo who don't know me foo!  
  
The Audience Of Sephiroth Clones In Black Cloaks: YES WE DO KNOW YOU  
  
*Barret (aka Mr. T) just disappears*  
  
Sephiroth: You don't know me! *to crowd*  
  
Quistis: Don't you dare cut off our air time Sesame Street...-  
  
END  
  
Quistis: TOO BAD WE'RE CUTTING INTO SESAME STREET!  
  
*sesame street music comes on in background for about 2 min*  
  
*turns off*  
  
Quistis: NO MUSIC!  
  
*Jerry Springer comes back on but everyone's left*  
  
Elmo: I'm gonna *censored* sue your *censored* *censored*!!!  
  
Sephiroth: Er...what?*Sephiroth is back alive for some reason*  
  
Tseng: LOOK BEHIND YOU! *to Big Bird*  
  
Reno:*shrugs**hits Big Bird on the head with a frying pan*  
  
Reno: What's with these guys?  
  
Cloud: I dunno...  
  
Vivi: FINALLY CLOUD HAS COME TO SAVE THE DAY! *cough*...lozer...*cough*  
  
Rufus:*jumps on helicopter and makes a drunken speech*  
  
*Rinoa still on picnic blanket eating Oreos*  
  
Carbuncle: At it again, making da ratings go up... OH YEA WELL I CAN DO IT TOO!  
  
*Carbuncle puts on suit and hat and staff and sings like on Broadway*  
  
Vivi: ^_^;;  
  
*Rinoa and Edea start playing risk and everything gets really confusing and everyone falls asleep except for Rinoa and Edea who stay up until 5 am playing risk then they fell asleep*  
  
Quistis:*yawns*um...why are Edea and Rinoa asleep on the risk board...and why does Rinoa have a dice up her nose?  
  
*Quistis knocks her chair over on her way standing up and wakes Edea and Rinoa up suddenly and the dice shoots out of Rinoa's nose and dents the wall*  
  
Rinoa: You can't prove it!  
  
*Rinoa runs away*  
  
Quistis: Ok...  
  
Vivi: I WAS AWAKE ALL NIGHT TAPING YOU  
  
Quistis: What? Why?  
  
Vivi: Someone got lucky!  
  
Quistis: WHAT? WHO?  
  
Vivi: You gotta say I'm your god and all that stuff (I know it's true just I want to hear it)  
  
Quistis: NO!  
  
Vivi: Then I guess you'll never know...  
  
Edea: Cool! My homemade movie should be done now!  
  
Quistis: Why were you making a movie?  
  
Edea: To prove that outside is REALLY boring!  
  
Quistis: What purpose would that serve?  
  
Edea: I don't know cuz its fun, I guess...  
  
*Edea pulls out camera*  
  
Edea: My plan was to point it up during the day outside, and see what happened.  
  
*All that was on the movie was a bird flying and a dog licking the camera*  
  
Quistis: ok....  
  
*Selphie dies again*  
  
Quistis: What is WITH this show?  
  
Edea: I have NO idea.  
  
*Zell starts to eat an orange with a spoon*  
  
Zell: ITS NOT WORKING!!!  
  
Quistis: Zell, get some pants on...  
  
Quistis: Actually...  
  
Quistis: You are the weakest link, goodbye!  
  
Zell: But...what?  
  
Quistis: You have been voted off the show and GOOD BYE!  
  
Zell: OK...*wanders off confused*  
  
Quistis: For no reason, other then I can't think of anything , THE END!  
  
*Irvine wakes up*  
  
Irvine: Well folks, that's the end of season one. I hope everyone enjoyed it. Now gimme *hic* beer...*Irvine passes out*  
  
The End 


End file.
